(This article originally appeared in the TAU-USA Fall 2024  Issue #113)

by Fr. Marek Stybor, OFM Conv.

President-in-turn, CNSA

Conflict is deeply embedded in the human heart and the entire history of salvation. The entire Bible from Genesis to Revelations is an endless series of conflicts between God and the evil spirit, between good and evil, love and hate, and heaven and hell.

St. Paul writes that there is a fight in my heart between good and evil. In every healthy community, there are differences of opinion which can result in conflict, confrontation, and a fight for the dominance of opinions and views. The Gospel includes the never-ending conflict of Jesus with the Pharisees.

Jesus did not seek this conflict, but by preaching the Gospel, He provoked people to stand for the truth, and this always results in conflict.

It is no different in the family or the religious community. Often, we are not looking for conflict, but the conflict is looking for us. St. Francis, a symbol of peace and forgiveness, conflicted with his father, mother, the inhabitants of Assisi, and his brothers. When he radically lived the Gospel, he was in conflict.

Jesus says that he did not bring peace, but a sword. Defining oneself by the values of the Gospel automatically invites conflict. Conflict often ends with the rejection of one of the parties. We find this example in Jesus, Francis, and thousands of saints. The holiness of life provokes, is uncomfortable, and creates conflict. The history of conflict is rich, hidden in human fear, which is the fruit of original sin.

Tools that Jesus gives us in conflict situations

1. PRAYER: Jesus prays to the Father: “Father, make them One…”

Prayer is the first and most important step.

2. DIALOGUE:

The Lord Jesus teaches dialogue, especially in His meeting with the Samaritan woman. Only Jesus and the Samaritan woman without witnesses (Jn:4). There is a sincere conversation from heart to heart.

3. THE SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION:

This gift of the Church has a huge impact on healing tensions in the community. Focus on Jesus’ Mercy.

4. TIME: Time heals wounds. There are no quick cures and sometimes it takes a whole lifetime for

5. RECONCILIATION WITH ANOTHER PERSON:

This is always God’s greatest miracle. It requires God’s intervention. On the cross, Jesus asks the Father: “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” Ask God like Jesus did on the cross.

5. SPIRITUALITY OF FAILURE: Jesus and Francis teach us that to win you must lose.

Defeat on the cross brings fruit of Resurrection. This is God’s most beautiful logic of love. Without crucified love we will not solve any conflict, we will only deepen it. Love that knows how to lose allows itself to be crucified and will overcome the conflict. It will bring peace of heart. I wish you this peace of heart.

Let me share a story from SOCRATES, who is famous for resolving conflicts:

Two brothers had a quarrel over the property, the inheritance of their parents. So, they came to Socrates, and he awarded the share to the older brother, and after listening to the younger one, also to him.

Socrates’ wife reacted to this and exclaimed from the kitchen, “Socrates, you are a fool! How can both brothers be right?

To which Socrates replied to his wife…

“You’re right too.”

Discovering part of the truth in each side is a wise way to resolve conflicts.

It is worth trying.

Another great example for conflict resolution:

Woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:1 – 11).

Jesus teaches us in this dramatic scene how to free human hands from the stones of judgments. In this scene everyone is trapped: woman, Jesus, people with stones. Jesus solves the conflict brilliantly. He invites only those who are without guilt or sin to deal out the execution.

Saint Francis repeated that he himself is the greatest sinner on earth who needs conversion, mercy and forgiveness. I believe this is the best therapy for conflict healing. St. Francis still attracts so many because he focused first on his own conversion.

Let me conclude my reflection with “Story about Grandma and Grandson.”

The grandson, who is in the Church, was forced to attend Mass with his grandmother, even though he wanted to stay at home and play on the computer.

He spoke… at the beginning of Holy Mass:

                                                              “Her fault,

                                                                     Her fault,

                                                                          Her most grievous fault.”

https://www.secularfranciscansusa.org/2025/01/06/con%ef%ac%82ict-resolution/

At our National Chapter in October 2022, the National Fraternity Council decided that the priorities for the following three years would be Vocations, Communications, and Relationships.  As we enter 2025, we have a year-long opportunity to assess our progress and plan for the future.

Diane Menditto, OFS National Vice Minister

“Vocations” was also named one of the Secular Franciscan Order’s worldwide priorities at the General Chapter in November. It is easy to see why this is so. Our order, like many religious orders, is shrinking. While some fraternities are growing with more professions than before, and some new fraternities are being established, we, as an Order, are not keeping up. Take a look at fraternities that are growing. What do you see? What do I see?

I believe the path to stronger and more numerous vocations lies with our other two priorities: relationships and communications.

The heart of fraternity lies in the relationships we form, first with God, next with St. Francis through his example and our Rule, and then with one another. The healthiest fraternities have an excellent spiritual life. They pray together at gatherings as a fraternity and individually at home or at Adoration. Deepening our relationship with God and being open to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit allows the Spirit to lead us to daily conversion and helps us to love one another.

How is our relationship with St. Francis? We’re Franciscans, so it must be great, right?  We need to take a serious pause here to see how we are doing! Through his example, his writings, and our Rule and Constitutions, we grow as Franciscans, become fluent in the charism, and strengthen our vocation. We are fortunate to have so many of the writings of our founder. These and other excellent works by classical and modern Franciscan authors are easily accessible online at franciscantradition.org.

Perhaps we take the third aspect of relationship for granted: our relationship with one another. What does a typical fraternity gathering look and feel like? Is it a happy and nourishing experience? Do I look forward to being with my brothers and sisters? Building relationships in fraternity takes work, but they make the fraternity come alive and provide the “glue” that keeps the fraternity together.

I’ve saved communication for last because it is the key to attracting, retaining, and strengthening vocations. First and foremost, are we willing to listen to one another? Listening to what our brothers and sisters have to say is crucial to collaboration and building strong relationships. We don’t need to agree with everything that is said, but the courtesy we give to others helps the fraternity to be a welcoming place. Guests to our fraternity will sense how well we get along by how well we communicate with one another.

Good communication also involves when and how we speak or write to one another. Do we think of the effect our words will have on others? Many times, the way something is said or written has an impact that we never intended!

Communication plays a large part in attracting vocations to the Order. The first way we communicate the love of our vocation to others is through our example. Those who are searching will be attracted to someone who appears to be at peace. They would like to feel that way too!

Telling others why we love our Franciscan life gets them thinking. Whether it involves a “Come and See,” a witness talk at mass or a prayer group, or just a short testimony to a friend or acquaintance, spreading the word opens the minds and hearts of others to recognize the vocation they may have lying dormant within them.

So, if we live authentic Franciscan lives and communicate our commitment through our words and actions, we will have gone a long way in fulfilling our National Priorities before 2025 turns into 2026.

https://www.secularfranciscansusa.org/2025/01/01/our-national-priorities-revisited/